Category Archives: am i still here?

Christmas is right around the corner…

So I’ve been thinking about last Christmas and my blogging the 25 days of Christmas.   If you’re not familiar with it, here’s a link to the book I made from the blog entries, which are on this blog.  I’m already blogging everyday for a year on, with my no retail shopping challenge.  So here’s the big question.  Should I blog this year for Christmas?

Take the poll on the right >

I’m leaning toward continuing to blog on my trash society site.  As much as I love it, it takes a lot of time.  In addition to blogging the challenge, I’m adding ideas for different types of gift giving using my no retail shopping restrictions.  Restrictions is a harsh word, so you can substitute ‘choices’ or ‘ideas’.



I’m at the store blogging this, waiting for bringer card proofs to be printed for I have to say, with the ‘tinselectomy’ concept, I feel guilty purchasing 1000 candy candy canes and 500 feet of tinsel.  Does it take all this ‘stuff’ to start a movement?  Live differently!  This doesn’t feel different.

As I walk through the store, I realize they are piping in this holiday-cinnamon smell, I suppose in hopes that it will make me get into the ‘holiday’ spirit and start shopping.  I also realized how irritating the smell is. It’s the smell of Christmas, the commercialized materialistic version of Christmas.

If some candy canes, tinsel and a catchy .com can start a movement of changing Christmas, I’m all in.  The proofs are ready.  They look great, “I’ll take 500 prints.”

Sent from my iPhone…

a portrait of society

I have several friends that are job hunting right now, searching for an opportunity in this non opportunistic economy.  Although I’ve been very blessed by having not only having a job, but one that I love, I still feel the stress.  Stress for them and their situations and stress knowing it could be me.

Last week, I received a forwarded email from a friend with a job listing she received from an online job search site.  Before I respond to it, I’ll let you read it.

Category: Writing, Editing & Translation
Description: Single white male seeking open minded creative female writer please, to edit and rewrite some internet personal datng ads.  That can attract and convey that I’m a multi dimensional open minded male with a caregiver overall character.

I’ve been fortunate to have some long term relationships with some beautiful openly Bi women that lead to some SAFE unforgettable fun times. I’ve been very open with those I date.  I believe in having open honest communication rather than playing games and wasting time.

So my point is I don’t necessarily need to walk on that side but would like to have about 4-5 racy different ads that are very candid in letting the reader know that I don’t judge people and if they are, OR were straight, bi or curious with mild to wild desires now and then, that’s fine. But among other things point out that I’m a very accepting, financially and emotionally secure, non jealous type of person.

I would like to place the ads onto various sites and have the ads be tasteful yet a bit edgy.

My first uttered word after picking my jaw up off the floor was “wow”.  Is this for real?  This clearly combines everything bad about the dating world and everything bad about job hunting, creating a disturbing portrait of our society.

The single white male that posted this has not only put a lot of time, effort and thought into this, but also spend a good amount of money doing it.  I would love to hear his definition of some of the words he’s chosen here: caregiver, long-term, safe, emotionally secure…  It’s not really the ad that makes me uncomfortable, it’s the fact that he’s looking for a professional writer to make his personal ads, and making all of this sound fun and acceptable.  I know this world exists and there will be plenty of women that will respond to his “well written” ads, but I suppose the part that bothers me to the point that I’m writing this, is that it’s intersected with my world.

I’m not a very judgmental person, and if this is the lifestyle he has chosen and he has women choosing to participate as well, then that’s his business.  I’m a single mom, not very actively dating, but let’s say I want to change that at some point.  I would not like to run into this guy, or anyone like him.  Seeing online dating through the eyes of friends, they have run into this type of single white male.  The problem?  These friends have similar values to mine and yet they are getting matched up with men or women that in no way resemble what they are looking for.  Do guys like this lie on their profiles or are the people matching software programs written that poorly?

Now let’s talk about my friend that received this and other friends I have that are job hunting.  (I suppose hunting is a good word since you have to gear up, find one, then fight for it)  I have several friends that desperately need a job.  Imagine the job hunt…  You wake up in the morning to check your inbox and you have four or five emails from job search sites.  Out of thousands of jobs, you get the four to five responses.  The above listing was one of many like that, a listing for questionable freelance work.  I seriously doubt any of my friends would ever consider replying to a listing like this one, but the fact that this type of listing comes up and they have to weed through stuff like this, well, it just has to be frustrating.  Where is the real job they need?

I do call this a disturbing portrait of our society, despite that, I plan to be a speck in the corner of that portrait that represents goodness.  Goodness in God and goodness through positive influence.  I know there are many good specks in the portrait and when you stand back and look, those specks make a beautiful impression, overlaying the sometimes unfavorable reality.

fear of what?

It’s dirty.  You are told to wash your hands after touching it.

Everyone wants it.  A lot of it.

It comes in many forms: paper, metal, plastic and air.

It’s illegal to put this in your ears in Hawaii.

It carries the message that we trust in God, sadly though, our use of it says differently.

Yes, I’m talking about money.  There was a fabulous message this weekend on money at PTCC by Paul Basden.  It was called Money Minefields, part of the series.  Now being unmarried, I have to listen to a marriage series through my ‘single’ filter.  The great thing about this message, when all of the marriage elements are stripped away, there are SO many great lessons here.

I could blog on this topic all day long, but I have a purpose here.  In the interest of time, Paul had to cut something from his message this weekend that really got me thinking…

The Lost Scrolls of Paul (Okay, so they are LifeGroup notes.  If you roll them up, technically they become scrolls.  Just sayin’)

Paul did talk about how greed and fear are closely related.  The details of this really got me thinking.  In order to correct any problem, you must understand the root of the problem.  This piece shed a light on my own views on money.  Whether our financial situations are good or bad, I think we all have fears related to them.  Here’s the detail, copied in from our life group notes:

When it comes to money, are you more afraid of …

  • not having enough
  • not having as much
  • not having more than

Paul touched on these fears, along with a brief explanation of them.  Please keep in mind that I am blogging this from my own perspective and interpretation.  (Paul, if you’re reading this, feel free to give me some feedback on my interpretation)  😉

not having enough This is related to survival.

We have fears that we won’t have what we need to survive.  This fear could have originated from your upbringing or from unfavorable life lessons.  We are not trusting that God will provide for our needs.  We don’t ever want to be in a position where we are in need.

not having as much This is related to comparison.

Trying to keep up with the Jones’.  The problem here is that the Jones are society’s poster family.  They represent everything in our culture that is financially destructive.  The Jones’ have all the cool stuff.  They have all the latest electronics, trendy clothing, new cars and a nice house that has the greenest grass you’ve ever seen.

Have you looked in their backyard?  Behind the pool?  On an average, they carry about $8,000 worth of credit card debt, car payments and not a lot in savings.  The rooms closed off in the house are unfurnished and that yard area behind the pool?  It’s not green at all.

not having more than – This is related to arrogance.

The desire to have more than anyone else, or everyone else.  You’ve probably heard the old saying, “He who dies with the most wins…”  What are you winning?  Choosing materialism over relationships is no way to live, and certainly no way to die.

After pondering this, I do struggle with two of these fears:  not having enough and not having as much.  Mostly with not having enough.  After thinking about this, talking about it last night in our singles group and having the desire to make some positive changes, my next blog will be on tips to make positive improvements.  I have made many, but there’s still room for improvement.  Stay tuned…

In the mean time, enjoy my book recommendation from


A very long time…

It’s been way too long since I have written anything.  Blogs or otherwise.  I don’t like to write.  But it’s good therapy.  Beats paying $120 and hour.  Well, maybe not, but it’s still good therapy.  So this is my online commitment to write.  I don’t what I’ll write, but I will write.  Maybe I can trade Allison graphics training for writing training.

Nobody really pays attention to my weirdness anymore.

I guess anyone that knows me well enough just expects strange things from me.  Because nobody seems to think that having 60+ 3 legged men on my ceiling is a weird thing.  The kids saw them for the first time yesterday and Cole just looks and goes about his business.  Nothing unusual to come home to for him.  Joe on the other hand, he was a little unhappy that he didn’t get to participate in the madness and wonders how we are going to get more of these little toys since they are not coming off the ceiling.

I tried counting the men on my ceiling.

Yep, still there and very firmly attached.   So I tried to count them this morning.  I kept getting different numbers.  It’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 60-70 men.  That’s really way more men then I need.  At least they’re well behaved.  The garage door repair man came and had some really weird looks, but was not brave enough to say anything.Thad was going to try and pull them down so he could win the 48 hour bet that they would come down.  But then he said Tony would win because he said someone would have to pull them down.  They’re like my own little Verizon network.

A Christmas Story

Once upon a time, many, many years ago in Florida, a kind of weird chick had a white Christmas tree.  She thought one year that it would be a great idea to hang candy canes on the tree.  So off to the store she went to buy some candy canes.

Now in those days, there were about 500 colors and flavors of candy canes.  All along the store shelves, there were many red candy canes, and maybe some green ones here and there.  Well, she got lucky and found solid white ones!  So she bought them and hung them all over the tree.

The following year, she took the tree out and set it up.   It was so beautiful!  And smelled like peppermint!  She seemed to miss a few of those white candy canes on the white tree.  Being in Florida with the heat… you guessed it.  They melted on to the tree.  As far as she could see, there’s no way to get melted candy off a fake tree.  So she left it there. The weird chick worked a lot.

One evening she came home from work and the tree was moving!  No, not across the room.  (This is a Christmas story, not a horror story about poltergeists)  It looked as though it had many strands of tiny twinkling lights.  Upon closer inspection, it was full of ants.  They were enjoying the candy.  So now she saw her options as throw away the tree or maybe spray it with ant killer.  Neither one of those seemed like a good idea.  So she decided to give it some time and maybe she could come up with a solution.

While she was thinking, the ants ate all the candy and then they were gone.  I took about three days, but hey, she kept the tree, the ants got a nice Christmas meal, AND they cleaned up her mess.  They all lived happily ever after.  The end.  (Yeah right, where are those ants when you really need them?!)

eHarmony or eHARMony?


Ok, so on the advice of my sister, I decided to fill out the personality test thing for free but not sign up for the service. So I did it. Got my personality profile. Interesting. So I’m now on the mailing list. Yeah. And there are some very interesting articles out there.

There’s one very helpful one for any woman wanting to go on a date. How to dress. ‘First Date Fashion for Women’ to be exact. Okay, this should be good.Dress, of course, is an integral part of your presentation. It’s one part dressing for the occasion and another part preserving who you are at the core. On a first glance fashion tells your story— it holds clues to your personality, conveys how you are feeling, and even how you want him to feel about you when he sees you. I would love to know what ‘story’ men get from my first glance fashion. Maybe something like ‘Wow, what was she thinking when she got dressed this morning?’ Or maybe ‘She’s definitely on the single mom budget.’ Oh well, weeds out the gold diggers. How about ‘Gee, if she only wore a little makeup…’ ‘That hair is crazy!’ ‘I wonder if she really owns a Pinto.

Seriously. How about this?Peep-toe flats in patent leather or animal printa. I guess that means they want me to get a pedicure. b. They want me to go shopping becasue I don’t own anything with that description. c. Are guys really into these peep-toe things? Just curious.

The closest description I can find to myself in this advice is The Betty (Casual). Okay, so let’s see what I should wear…

  • Ankle-tie wedge espadrilles
  • Embellished flat-thong sandals
  • Head scarf
  • Straw totes
  • Ballet flats
  • Chunky plastic beaded necklaces and bracelets??!!!! 

First, anyone that knows me here. Straw tote? And that’s supposed to be a safe environment for my G4 Powerbook? Head scarf? I really don’t think I could afford one that covers all my hair. Chunky plastic stuff belongs in my altered art, NOT on my body. And what in the hell is a espadrille???

Okay guys, can any man enlighten me on this dressing thing?

And the funniest part of this advice… I clicked to view the article for what men should wear. And it’s gone. Doesn’t exist. Guess they can wear what they want or go naked. Naked would just make this process way easier.

Excessable Gallery Show

Gallery view 1 Gallery view 2 dress These are pics from my art show in 2006.  The show was called ‘excessable’.  It about the excess in our society and the accessibility to a lot of stuff we don’t need.  (iPhones are NOT included here!)  Some of the details:

-All of the photographs are light painted.  If you’re not familiar with this process, a camera shutter is opened in total darkness and the images are painted with flashlights that have color gels on them.

-The rug is made from 1296 gift cards.

-The wedding dress is a divorce dress.  It has clocks on the front and a disturbing version of wedding vows on the back and all down the train.

I will post that later.I will post the individual images that are not on here.

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